Talofa & Malo ‘e lelei, and welcome to the Fala. I’m Donato Fatuesi. I’m a former nonprofit executive who found herself burnt out, overwhelmed, and depressed in the life I had worked so hard to build for myself and those around me for 10 years in Seattle.
Using the skills I had acquired and my love for storytelling I completely uprooted my life and moved to the City of Angels to pursue my childhood dreams of becoming an artist.
Today, I am an Actress, Model, and Content Strategist that works with organizations to utilize storytelling as a tool to drive impact and support social change for Queer and Trans Pacific Islanders and I’ve taken to social media to share all I’m learning throughout this journey.
Here on the Fofola Le Fala Podcast, we weave together stories of Queer and Trans Pacific Islanders that you wouldn’t otherwise hear anywhere else. In this new season we are going to change things up. Of course, we’re still going to be learning about some pretty amazing people across Moana. But instead of narrating these stories for you, I’ll be inviting some of you to engage in real Talanoa together. We will meet here to share stories, share laughs, and share the lessons we’ve gathered along our life journeys in a more intimate way.
Before we get there, I think it’s only fair that I start by sharing with you some principles that have shaped not only how I move through the world but also how I believe this podcast can deepen our bonds.
It is now time to unfold your mat.
Way before I became a professional actress, model and content girly that helps show others how to grow in this industry, things were pretty complicated. My mom was a cashier at “Kim’s Convenience Store” and my Dad had been in Jail at the Tafuna Correctional Facility over domestic violence. At 4 years old, I remember waiting up late for Mom to come home from work to see what sweets she’d bring home for my older sibling Tweetie and I. Maybe we’d get Bongos, Twisties, a bag of Windows chips? If we were lucky, on some nights we’d get Tim Tam cookies – my favorite. David was still too young, an infant still, so we didn’t have to share our treats with him. Mom always came home with his necessities and even hand out packs of cigarettes for Mama Mese and our Aunties that babysat us all day. Eventually, Momʻs stomach would grow bigger and bigger and we’d soon welcome a new baby brother, Darius. This of course would create further complications within the family because Mom getting pregnant and giving birth to Darius while my Dad was in TCF could only mean one thing.
Now, If you know anything about the Tafuna Correctional Facility, it’s somewhat of a joke – still to this day. It’s like people go vacation there. It’s not uncommon for inmates to sneak out by jumping the fence during certain hours for days even and sneak back in to continue to serve their time until their sentences ended. I remember the fear my Mom had on nights where she would double check to make sure that all the doors were locked and that she could sleep between us children: Tweetie and I to one side, David and Darius on the other… like a shield. She’d later tell me as a teen that this was her way of trying to ensure that if Dad ever broke out of TCF in the middle of the night to come harm her, he’d see us kids sleeping soundly and have a change of heart. That fear became a trauma I carried with me for a long time and never fully addressed until my adulthood. There is so much more that is so nuanced and complicated that I won’t be able to completely cover in this chat. But I share this to give you some context of how this would shape me in some pretty big ways.
I couldn’t understand much of what was happening in those years, but I do know I loved my parents dearly (and still do). I remember crying for them when they weren’t around. I remember feeling safe in Mom’s arms, the smell of her perfume and the shade of her daily lipstick. I remember feeling invincible with Dad, riding shirtless through Coconut Point with him on his motorcycle and the Tiki Man tattoo etched in his back. I earned the nickname of Kimberly by my Aunties because I swore to anyone that would listen that I was the Pink Power Ranger. I even had the Pink Power Ranger bedding and stuffed toy that I wouldn’t go anywhere without… that I’d dream with each night about how I would vanquish Lord Zedd, Rita Repulsa and other monsters.
Some time after Dad’s “official” release, my parents got divorced. The judge had ordered that custody be split. Dad was granted full custody of the two older children, myself and Tweetie. Mom was granted full custody of our baby brothers David and Darius. We’d be split up. Mom, Grandma Emma, Aunty Nolia and the boys would move back to Tonga. Dad and his girlfriend would move to Seattle to where her family lived to get settled and they would send for me and Tweetie when the time was right. Looking back, I don’t think the time was ever “right”.
In the meantime, Tweetie and I would live with my Dads sister Nellie and her husband, Donato Duldulao Jr. (my namesake). Lady universe knew what she was doing because they became our parents too – they too are Mom and Dad to me and Tweetie. But deeper than that, Aunty Tupe, Aunty Lily especially and all our Aunties had a hand in raising us – we’d grow up surrounded by many strong-willed, nurturing matriarch’s that would affirm both Tweetie and I as proud Samoan Fa’afafine and Tongan Leitis. Despite that, I still cried for my parents.
Because of the separation, I was forced to confront a lot adult things very young. Why was this all happening? Whose to blame? Was it me? I remember being made to feel pitted against one parent over the other at times. There were parties that were “Team Alama” and “Team Joe” regardless of blood relation that would tell me the most horrible things about the other parent. “Your Mom is a Tonga Elo, e pa’umuku, she’s an alcoholic”. “Your Dad beats your Mom, did you know that? Do you know what he did to your Aunty Nolia? Do you?!”
Over time, nothing I heard about either side shocked me anymore. I had developed the unique skill of being extremely keen to slight changes in people’s moods – often having been an emotional dump if you will for others and nurturing my elders through painful moments. I learned to be hyper vigilant and aware and more than that I learned how to adapt myself so that I don’t add to any of the stress. I don’t know if people are born empaths or they become it, but this became one of my superpowers. And like Kimberly, I could use this super power to vanquish the evil forces that kept my family apart.
I was a quick learner, and my adaptability would serve me well in school. It was a safe place for me, my domain if you will. I was a star pupil, an overachiever and perfectionist that excelled in school, it didn’t matter if I was studying in American Samoa, or in the years we lived with Dad in Seattle or Hawaii…
I quickly adapted, I excelled. The only real struggle I had in school was either battling with bullies or school faculty that singled me out and were assholes to me because of my unique differences. In today’s speak, we’d call them transphobic.
Over time, I had learned that acing tests and winning academic competitions was not going to be good enough to bring my family back together. It was not going to be good enough to feel more safe and empowered in my identity. I joined the National Honor Society, was elected into student leadership, organized many student initiatives and was part of a diverse number of clubs – pretty much every club except for anything having to do with JROTC, Christian Club, and every sport save Cheerleading. Ya’know… your girl went where she felt safe and thrived. Heck, at 15 I became one of the two territorial full ride scholarship recipients to the Junior Statesmen Of America Program and got to study political science at Stanford for a summer. Can you believe I lowkey detransitioned by cutting my hair and wearing the boys uniform during this period of my teenage years to be more accepted. It was all bullshit.
I went to Stanford University and found that on the last couple of days of the program, when I was finally being true to myself and stopped masking as a boy by performing “Me Against The Music” that none of these Ivy League Professors cared. If anything, they lived for the Britney moment. I found that all the other students celebrated me and respected me just as I am, and it gave me a glimpse of what life beyond American Samoa could look like if I stopped trying to conform and people please.
I loved the summers and the years we’d rotate to stay with Dad growing up, he always spoiled us. If I had ever asked for anything and was told no, he’d somehow find a way to make it a yes. Except the one time I felt brave as hell asking my Dad if I could get my belly pierced at 12 years old because my classmates at Waipahu Intermediate had theirs done too, and so I wanted one. This man said he’d think about it and then told Mese about my request and she had no problem telling me HELL NO!
By 16 I learned to stop expecting Dad to ever come back to American Samoa. Mom visited us in American Samoa from Tonga when she needed to renew important documents and never missed our big milestones: proms, graduations, pageants even. By 16 I learned to stop asking Mom when I’d see David and Darius again. I truly believe my parents did the best they could with what they knew and what they had.
So I changed. I stopped giving as much fucks about being so perfect. I got kicked out of the National Honor Society because I grew my hair back out and stopped conforming to the male dress code. I likely would’ve been elected President of the Student Body but the school principal prohibited me from running because I had appealed the Honor Society ruling. A Fa’afafine teacher banned me from participating in the Close-Up program to go to Washington D.C. when Tafuna High School was awarded funding to send about 8 Seniors. Nevermind that I was one of two students in our class that had been official members of the club since Freshman year, paid dues and raised money annually for the previous upperclassmen. Can you believe he had the nerve to say to me, “Do you really think the principal would allow you to go and represent our school with how you are?” Remember I stopped giving fucks and so I said, “That’s rich coming from YOU of all people”.
Remember my gift of hyper vigilance? For years I had harnessed that power to advocate for other students, often being the one people confided to about their issues that I developed the skills to problem solve to get things done for a variety of groups. Heck, I was even running a lollipop selling business where I’d turn one $10 case of blow pops from Cost-U-Less into $25 dollars, and scaled operations to 3 employees. That’s a lot of money in Samoa and for a high schooler. I reinvested much of those funds back into school projects and programs, and was the occasional sugar mama after school at Carls Jr.
I was hard pressed to learn that many of my peers would not advocate for me when I needed it. Kimberly felt defeated, so she needed to pivot. I chose to focus my energy on the arts: Cheerleading, Music, Speech Festival… I continued to thrive here.
I needed to create a pathway to go beyond American Samoa… somewhere I can study Drama and become an Actress. No one I knew had made a living in the performing arts. Most people I knew were training to join the military, go off on sports scholarships, or were applying to the American Samoa Government Scholarship that would require you to come back post-grad to work a number of years. I was not interested in any of those options. To get out of Math class I signed up to take the ASVAB one day. I scored pretty high and learned I had demonstrated an aptitude for engineering. The air force would try to recruit me. Many people I knew joined the armed forces as a way to pay for college. I didn’t know if I could use that to study drama at some point, but it wouldn’t hurt to have this as an option… just in case. The recruiter stopped calling after I asked if I would have to present as a boy.
I set my sights to Julliard. I didn’t tell my family I was planning to apply there, a part of me was afraid they’d think it was silly. I felt I had a pretty impressive resume especially having been the most decorated all-around Speech Festival competitor. If I was going to compete with other students with way more access and resources in the states for Julliard, I needed something more to add to my experience.
The American Samoa Community College was working on a production of The Lion King. My cousin Fono was taking classes there and I was able to get the 411 on the audition and rehearsal schedule. I came up with a plan to sneak into the audition, prove how good I am, and then beg to let them keep me in the show. Which is exactly what happened. I got casted as a Lionness and was over the moon. Like really, how many other high school seniors could put on their resume that they worked on a college level production their senior year of high school and still maintain a high GPA? For weeks I would sneak off campus, take two buses from Tafuna High School to Pavai’iai. Some days, Fono was available to either pick me up or drop me back off. As for the classes I had to miss? I was already working ahead and came up with creative excuses as to why I was needed for other school projects.
Coincidentally, Tafuna High School had selected an African literary piece for its contemporary choral recitation for Speech Festival. I was part of it, and alongside my good sis Jaynah Muao (who was also my co-captain on the Cheerleading squad) we were tasked with choreographing the piece. There was a brief section that incorporated the melody of the song “He Lives In You” from The Lion King. That was enough to get a rumor started that the only reason I joined ASCC’s The Lion King production was to steal work for the speech festival competition. Like, what in the ‘Bring it On’ is going on here!? One day when I was skipping High School to go to College, the Director pulls me aside to tell me “Taking choreography is stealing. What you’ve done is unacceptable. It’s best you learn this lesson now than in your professional career. You are dismissed”. I was devastated. It wasn’t true. I hated whoever made that up and shared it. Did they know how much I sacrificed
to be there? How this would impact my plans to leave American Samoa for Julliard?! I felt defeated. I never made it to Julliard, I gave up on that application and settled to go to Chaminade University in Honolulu instead.
In hindsight, I feel like that director knew eventually that I’d make it to the professional level. It would take me 10 years… but I’m finally here.
Here, I get to tell stories that build connections and empower the communities near and dear to my heart while demonstrating that despite what life may throw at you, it’s possible to live the life you want to live. You just need to get really clear about what that is, and put in the work.
I always knew that I wanted to become an Actress. I spent many years afraid to really give it chance. After booking Lego Harry Potter and the Transgender Witch, something in me changed. As it screened across the country and caught the attention of the Seattle Times, the San Francisco Chronicle and can you believe it? Time Magazine, I really started to believe that I was already living my dream.
My journey since, having worked on stage productions, commercials and some of your favorite TV shows, and even booking an animation modeling gig on HBO’s The Stroll in my first year made me feel unstoppable.
Becoming a model in addition to that also made sense because there’s lots of crossover and let’s be real, a lot of coin to be made doing campaigns. So of course it was a no brainer to fly to New York to train with the Queen of pose herself, Coco Rocha.
In my second year in Hollywood, I’ve worked on 8 films, 1 music video, 1 song, 2 stage productions, and booked 20 speaking engagements, and even been featured on the Today show. This past month, Thrive Causemetics named an eye shadow in my honor. I also got to be the Audio Description Narrator for Disney’s Moana 2! This is all new to me and it feels wild sometimes, but I’m so so grateful. I work hard at my craft every single day, and I’ve been able to bring all my gifts and love of storytelling to social media and share what I’m learning and growing through.
This podcast is an example of that.
The work can be very competitive and volatile, and it’d be irresponsible of me to share all of these successes without also being real about how I manage to do it. I want to share with you some guiding principles I’ve developed and invite you to take from it what you will.
First and foremost, find community. Aligning yourself with people who have similar aspirations and drive and also some with more experience in what it is you’re working towards is VITAL!
These will be the people you can co-create and collaborate and grow with. There’s a saying that goes: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” This is foundational for me.
Secondly, be willing to surrender to the possibilities. Instead of telling myself “I can’t” and come up with fear based excuses that hinder progress…I just say yes and then do my best. If someone feels my best wasn’t good enough for them, learn to let it go. If you continue to struggle with that, tap your community.
Thirdly, think beyond yourself. Yes, I want you to thrive in living the life you dream, but how will that life serve others? Being cognizant of your potential impact, whether positive or negative allows you to discern when its time to pivot. The end goal doesn’t need to change in those circumstances, but the approach can!
Doing one small thing a day towards your goals, compounds over time! Don’t take for granted the small actions you can take because they have a lasting impact too.
Next, Find the tolerable middle. Working towards the dream will likely mean you’ll need to have another source of income. Two questions I always ask myself when faced with opportunities is, will this be good for the bank or for the book? If neither is yes, the answer is no. The same applies for jobs and gigs.
And lastly, always remember that you are your greatest asset. Maintaining a healthy mindset as you evolve and grow takes constant introspective deep work. Are the stories you tell yourself about yourself positive? What are the facets of you that you are proud of? Who within your inner circle can remind you of your greatness at times when you don’t feel your best? Is it a sibling, cousin, friend, co-worker, counselor, therapist? If you haven’t assigned that role to any one person in these brackets, do it now. There is no other you. No one else with your spark or unique flair. Act like it.
As for my origin story… what became of that…
It took 20 years till my dream of having my family together again came true. Mom and Dad never got back together and they are better for it in my opinion. I believe they’ve healed themselves in some ways from much of the trauma of their past and continue to do the best with what they know and what they have. David and Darius grew up to be some of the most tender, good natured, fiercely loving men I know. As kids they used to jokingly refer to me and Tweetie as their sisters. As adults, they say it proudly and we have so much love and respect in our relationship. As is to be expected from our Tongan side because obviously that would make me and Tweetie their Fahu. Aueee! Tweetie is hands down forever my ride or die. Many of you already know her.
She’s my confidant and protector and a fierce community leader striving towards her own dream of becoming my personal aesthetician. (You know family discount)
Everybody is OK and that makes me happy.
Thank you all so much for listening.
I know this was a deeper story, and there’s so much more to it that also isn’t all mine to tell. I want to respect that and trust you will too.
I want our time on the Fala to be open and real, and I want you to know it’s ok to be vulnerable without compromising your boundaries. I want us all to understand that we don’t get to where we’re going without honoring where we came from. And I hope that when we continue to share our stories as Queer and Trans Pacific Islanders that we will unlock within each other a sense of belonging whereever you are across the Moana.
I can’t wait to talk more story and learn more about YOU on the Fala.
Till then…
It is now time to… fold your mat.
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Fa’afetai Lava, and make sure you subscribe!
